Leave It Unsaid
by herwhiteknight
Summary: A hungover and aching Sarah looks after a broken and traumatized Cosima.


A/N: Set between the end of 4x07 and the beginning 4x08.

* * *

It was 5:27AM when Sarah woke up. Her stomach churned like it disagreed with the eggs Mrs. S had made her the morning before but Sarah had been in a position like this before, albeit a long time before, and knew how to handle herself during a hangover. Even still, her body felt sluggishly weighted from sleep and her head felt like someone was stubbornly trying to jam-pack it with too many cotton balls while beating her solidly around the ears with a cast-iron pan at the same time.

"J'susbl'dy'ell," she groaned under her breath, forcing herself to roll over, only to be confronted by a mass of curly brown hair in her face. Maternal instinct, and _a lot_ of guilt, shut Sarah up real quick. Clenching her jaw against thoughts of being a reckless and certainly terrible mother, she quietly sat up and padded out of the room.

"Morning chicken," Mrs. S called out softly from her place at the table.

Sarah tilted her head in recognition of the greeting, and shuffled over to the chair across from her, immediately chugging the glass of water that sat there, along with the two advils beside it. "Thanks," she said quietly, indicating the now-empty glass with a nudge.

Mrs. S gave a nod of her own, taking the glass wordlessly to refill it from the sink. "How are you feeling then?" she asked as she set the water in front of Sarah.

The simple question twisted Sarah's gut all over again. She took a sip of water to hopefully keep the dark storm clouds at bay. But her throat was still tight with shame and anger when she spoke, "I can't believe I almost left Kira alone. For good this time."

Mrs. S was silent for several moments. Then, "But you didn't. And," she reached for Sarah's hand, "I'm proud of what you overcame, love. You're a survivor, and you'll continue to be one."

Sarah squeezed her hand, the words settling slightly in her soul, but doing barely anything to assuage her guilt at that moment. "I dunno about that, mum," she said heavily, "Cosima she... she doesn't have _anything_ without Kendall, I don't-" she froze suddenly, her eyes gazing off unseeingly over Mrs. S's shoulder.

"Sarah?" Mrs. S asked, squeezing Sarah's hand to bring her attention back. It took a moment, but Sarah's gaze eventually snapped back into Mrs. S's, her expression hard and clear and conflicted. "What is it?"

"Cosima," Sarah bit out, standing abruptly from her seat and striding to the front door, coat in hand. "I have to see her, I've just been so – I didn't even _think, god –_ I need to go. Send Kira over in a little while, yeah? Please? I have to go."

"And how exactly are you going to get there _this_ early in the morning?" Mrs. S said as she stood and folded her arms, watching her daughter haphazardly tug on her jacket, gracelessly tug on her boots.

"I'll walk," she snapped roughly, "I've been such an _idiot,_ I didn't even think about checking in with her-"

"Please, Sarah," Mrs. S almost scoffed as Sarah worked the final lace on her boot. "You've got to cut yourself some slack, you've had other things-"

"None of those things should _ever_ have been more important than Cosima, mum!" Sarah said, pulling open the door and striding out into the chilly morning. The door slammed shut behind her, leaving Mrs. S standing in the middle of the safe house with a strange look on her face.

It took Sarah a lot longer than she had expected to walk to the Rabbit Hole. But the crisp air of the morning had helped to clear her head somewhat, leaving her only with a dry mouth and throat. She stood in front of the shop just as the sun was starting to rise, painting the cityscape with a golden hue.  
"Shit," she muttered to herself as she paced in front of the door, realizing that the store wasn't officially open for business for another three hours and that she had no other way in. Well. No other _legal_ way in. "Sorry Scotty," she muttered to the air as she rooted around on the pavement for a couple of rusty nails. After a few seconds of work on the lock, the door swung open and Sarah stepped inside the dim interior.

She tossed the nails aside and strode to the back of the shop, tapping the hidden buzzer to the basement on her way past the cashier's desk. Despite the soft steps she was attempting to take, her boots still resounded quite loudly on the wooden stairs as she descended, one hand on the wall to keep her balance in the darkness.

"Whoever you are, I warn you I've got a bat and I'm not afraid to use it!" A loud, wavering voice shouted, a bright light accompanying their words.

"Jesus bloody christ!" Sarah howled, the shout startling her so badly that she lost her footing on the stairs and falling the last few feet onto the hard concrete.

"Sarah?" the voice said, shining the light out of her eyes revealing Scott standing there with an apologetic look on his face. "God, are you okay?"

"Just fine, Scott," she groaned, rubbing her elbow as she stood up slowly. "Scared the living daylights out of me, silly tit!"

"Sorry," he apologized, training the flashlight on her torso to keep the light out of her eyes. "In my defence, I thought someone was coming to.. well. I dunno. Finish the job, I guess."

"Shite, yeah," Sarah cringed, "Because after everything..." She ran a hand through her hair, blowing air out hard through her nostrils. "Where is she, then?"

Scott pointed towards the back of the lab, past her weed tent. "Through there. Careful though," he added when Sarah gave him a questioning look, "She's been having a lot of nightmares. Go easy on her."

She nodded, feeling her heart break as she turned around, turning on her phone's flashlight as she made her way back to where she could just see the foot of a bed through the gloom. "Cos?" she called gently.

There was no response from the tiny figure curled up in the middle of the bed, but Sarah hadn't expected there to be one. She dimmed the light from her phone and set it down on the nightstand before lifting the covers and sliding in beside Cosima slowly. "Hey Cos. I'm right here," she soothed, seeing how Cosima's face was locked into an expression of anguish.

"Don't shoot her, _please,_ " Cosima begged, a low, terrified whimper, "Why are you doing this? Please, _please_ don't – she doesn't deserve any of this! How can you tell me not to cry?! They're going to _kill_ you! Kend – no!" Cosima's eyes flew open, her breathing rapid and shallow and laboured as her eyes darted around the room.

"Cos," Sarah soothed, touching her arm lightly, drawing her frantic attention to Sarah's direction. "Cosima, hey.. hey. Shh, it's just me."

"Sarah?" Cosima asked groggily as she slowly dragged her frame around to face Sarah in the bed.

"Yeah. Yeah love. It's me. I'm here," she murmured, tracing her fingertips along Cosima's jawline as she settled back into a more comfortable position on the bed.

"I'm really glad to see you," Cosima admitted after a moment, closing her eyes against the soothing pattern of Sarah's fingertips on her cheek. "You make me feel safe."

Sarah's heart squeezed at Cosima's words. She stretched her neck forward slightly and pressed a kiss to Cosima's temple as the other woman started to drift off. "I've got you, Cos. I've got you. I'm not gonna let you go, I promise."

Just as Cosima was drifting off, she tightened her grip around Sarah's waist and whispered against her collarbone, "I love you, Sarah."

Sarah nearly froze, the declaration of love with her name attached sounding foreign in her ears. But then, because she knew she couldn't leave it unsaid any longer, Sarah whispered back, "I love you too, Cosima."


End file.
